NonTypical Joy

     "I'm sorry"~ In response to your child's diagnosis

     People's response encourages and throws you further into grieving.  It's like your whole perception of your child and who they are- they're likes, dislikes, quirks, misbehavior's',energy, the way they look at lights, how they don't watch T.V. yet come running from the other room to watch each commercial that comes on, and how they line their toys up.

     Your child doesn't change -- the things that you love about him don't either.  One of the horrifying aspects of getting the diagnosis is that, you end up looking examining your child, not only with the love of a mother's [or father's] eyes, but through scientific, cold doctor's eyes as well. You're made to question everything about your child, and you're 'supposed' to point out all of the things that need to be worked on and "fixed".  Neuro-typical parents do not have to analyze every single aspect, character trait, idiosyncrasies, quirk, like, dislike, motor-skills, eating habits, listening skills, etc.

     It shakes your boat. It stresses you out, you get so overwhelmed. Partially, I think that by becoming so overwhelmed it helped out a little bit. I got so "DONE" with the dreaded "A"-word that while I was still focusing on doing the best and everything I could for HappyJay, I said F*** it to analyzing him every second of the day. He is who he is. Autism is a part of him and he is an amazing, intelligent, and beautiful boy with the kindest soul.

     And it dawned on me. That is all that matters. I give him all that I can, that HE is happy and satisfied, that HE gets what he needs so he can be a happy, productive member of our screwed up society in our crazy self-driven world. 

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